Unleash Your Creativity by Breaking Free From the False Self
Do you ever feel like your creative spirit is trapped, unable to break free from invisible constraints holding you back? Does your creative work feel inauthentic, unfulfilling, or disconnected from your emotions and experiences? Maybe you're a writer experiencing writer's block, an actor struggling to portray authentic emotions, or a painter having a hard time finding inspiration. If so, you may be dealing with a "False Self" - a deep-seated coping mechanism that can significantly impact your creativity and mental wellbeing. In this blog post, we will explore the concept of the False Self and how you can reconnect with and unleash your inner creativity.
Creation of the False Self
The creation of a False Self (a concept first written about by psychoanalyst and pediatrician D.W. Winnicott) start early in life, during the bonding between a baby and their primary caregiver. A “good enough” caregiver meets the baby’s needs and helps make sense of their experience. For example, the baby cries and their parent interprets the cry, giving the baby a good enough approximation of what they need - food, comfort, a diaper change, etc. This nurturing environment helps the baby develop a sense of an external reality that doesn’t get in the way of a developing sense of their “True Self” - the source of creativity and genuine emotions.
When a caregiver, usually someone who has experienced trauma, can’t meet the baby’s emotional needs or interpret their signals, the baby learns to cope by hiding their true feelings and desires. This is the birth of a “False Self” - a coping mechanism that helps protect the baby from threatening feelings of disconnection and abandonment. For example, the baby cries because they are hungry, and the parent does not respond to the cry at all, or starts to rock them violently until they calm down. If this happens again and again, the baby can start to believe “I don’t actually want anything,” or “the thing I want is not what I’m feeling in my body, but the thing my parent is giving me.” Why? “I don’t want anything” feels much better than “my parent doesn’t love me.”
As this child grows, so does their False Self, adjusting to the needs and expectations of their caregiver in order to feel loved. This can have long term-effects on the child’s creativity and mental health.
“The false self is not a deliberate act of deception but rather an unconscious survival strategy that people use to protect themselves from emotional pain and rejection.”
How the False Self Blocks Creativity
When the child who learned to cope in this way grows up and becomes an artist, their False Self can get in the way of their creative process by blocking access to their True Self—the source of authentic creativity. This person may create work that feels inauthentic, unfulfilling, or disconnected from their real emotions and experiences. Their self-defense mechanism is still working to protect them from feeling rejected but it is also getting in the way of their ability to create. Negative experiences with mentors or critics who force their expectations on the artist's work, just like their caregiver did earlier in life, can strengthen the False Self and lead to a full creative block.
The Importance of Play
Playing is essential for human development and self-expression. It helps nurture imaginations, experiment with diverse ideas, and express emotions and desires without inhibition. When an artist can play, they are giving their True Self a chance to grow - helping them create work that is genuine, meaningful, and deeply satisfying.
A person who has learned to cope by operating from a False Self can have a hard time playing and, in turn, getting in touch with their True Self. The False Self can stop you from being spontaneous, taking risks, and fully immersing yourself in the creative process. This can result in work that feels forced, inauthentic, and unfulfilling.
How Do I Know If I’ve Been Operating From A False Self?
There can be many reasons you feel stuck creatively. Recognizing the presence of a False Self can be hard since it usually involves patterns and habits built over a lifetime. However, there are certain signs in your life outside of your creative process that may be a sign you've been operating from a False Self:
Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction. If you constantly feel unfulfilled and disconnected from your life, you may not be living in alignment with your True Self.
Difficulty identifying and expressing emotions. The False Self often involves suppressing your real feelings to meet the needs and expectations of others.
Living to please others. Always putting the wants and needs of others above your own may be a sign that you are operating from a False Self. This can show up as seeking approval, validation, or acceptance from others at the expense of your own wellbeing.
Lacking spontaneity and creativity. The False Self can get in the way of your ability to be spontaneous, take risks, and try new ideas. If you find yourself blocked creatively or struggling to play, you may not be fully accessing your True Self.
Experiencing inauthentic relationships. If your connections with others feel superficial or lack emotional depth, it may be a sign that you're not being genuine in your interactions. This can come from a fear of being rejected for your True Self.
Experiencing ‘imposter syndrome’. Feeling like a fraud or undeserving of your achievements can come from a False Self that prevents you from internalizing your successes and embracing your authentic capabilities.
If you notice some of these signs, it may be worth exploring the role of the False Self in your life further.
Reconnecting with Your True Self
The first step in healing is to recognize that this False Self exists and try not to judge yourself for it. Find self-compassion by seeing how this coping mechanism helped you survive your childhood, even though it no longer serves you. It can be helpful to picture yourself as the little kid who desperately wanted love from a caregiver who couldn’t give it to you unconditionally. To cope, you changed yourself to meet their needs and get their love.
In my work as a therapist, this is the foundation of the healing process. By feeling safe and supported in the therapeutic relationship, my clients can experience me as the “good enough” caregiver they didn’t have growing up and start to gently walk around what authentically wants to rise up from within. This process takes time and can feel scary as what wants to rise up may be different from what they thought the world wants from them.
The journey toward reconnecting with your True Self is an ongoing process. It needs patience, self-reflection, and a willingness to face the barriers that have been in the way of authentic expression. Through a therapeutic process, or any on-going process of honest and compassionate self-reflection, artists can slowly dissolve the False Self and unlock their innate creative potential.
As you embark on this transformative journey, remember that the rewards extend far beyond the realm of artistic expression. By reconnecting with your True Self, you will also be rewarded with a deeper, more genuine relationship with yourself and the world around you, enriching every area of your life.